Care Enough to Reach Back

One thing I will never understand is older women who watch younger women struggle through the exact same hardships they once faced, yet refuse to offer guidance, support, or wisdom.

Instead of saying, “I see you. I care about you. Let me help you avoid some of the landmines I had to walk through,” they take the position that struggle is a rite of passage.

“I had to figure it out on my own, so you should too.”

But why?

If you’ve survived difficult experiences, shouldn’t the goal be to pass down what you’ve learned? To make the path a little less painful for the women coming behind you?

Wisdom isn’t just being able to say, “I’ve been there.”

Wisdom is saying, “I’ve been there, and because I care about you, I don’t want you to suffer unnecessarily if I can help it.”

Not because life should be easy. Not because struggle can be avoided entirely. But because there is a difference between letting someone grow through their own experiences and withholding support when you could have offered it.

I’m not saying older women owe younger women endless emotional labor, mentoring, rescuing, or self-sacrifice. I’m saying there’s a difference between not being responsible for someone and being indifferent to their suffering. That’s simply not my heart.

For clarity: I’m talking about a specific mindset, not condemning an entire age group.

I don’t say this with anger. I genuinely hope those women heal. Because I think that mindset often comes from wounds that were never tended to.

To younger women: don’t expect every older woman to have your back. Some will. Some won’t.

When you find the ones who share their wisdom, who celebrate your growth, who warn you about the pitfalls they’ve already survived, treasure them.

And when it’s your turn, be the woman who reaches back.