We All Have the Right to Exist Safely

Today, I want to talk about an uncomfortable topic.

A topic that may be difficult to name, but that needs and deserves to be discussed:

The sexualisation of girls’ and women’s bodies.

This topic is deeply personal to me.

While writing this contemplation, I tried to remember the very first time I felt that my body was being sexualised.

At first, I thought I was eleven years old. But as I reflected more deeply, I realised that it had begun much earlier than that.

I remember what happened.

I remember the moment.

But I no longer remember my exact age.

I only know that I was very young.

As I grew older and my body began to develop into that of a curvy Caribbean girl, the sexualisation continued to take different forms.

There was inappropriate touching.

There were comments about my developing body.

And through all of it, I was still very much a child.

I was playful, innocent and often living in my own little world.

As an autistic child, I did not always understand the meaning behind people’s words, looks or behaviour. I did not understand what sexualisation was.

All of it was deeply confusing for me.

I did not always understand what people were saying or doing, or why they were doing it. I only remember that something about it did not feel right in my spirit.

I could feel that a boundary was being crossed, even before I had the language to name that boundary.

While I was still simply being a child, my body was already being interpreted through an adult gaze.

That can make attention feel unsafe.

Now, as a 37 year old woman, I understand more clearly what the younger version of me could feel but did not yet have the words to explain.

And yet, the sexualisation did not simply disappear when I became an adult.

Even now, simply preparing to go outside can sometimes feel like preparing for a mental war.

Will I have to defend myself against unwanted attention today?

Will I be able to enjoy a peaceful walk without being followed or harassed by a man I do not know?

If I tell someone to leave me alone, will he respect my answer?

Or will he continue to insist, as though my “No” is only the beginning of a negotiation?

Encounters like these can feel deeply unsafe for women because we do not know how the man approaching us will respond.

Will he respect my boundary?

Will he continue to follow me?

Will his interest turn into anger when I do not respond in the way he hoped?

What may seem like a harmless interaction to someone else can place a woman’s entire nervous system on alert.

That is why unwanted attention is not always experienced as flattering.

Sometimes, it feels like a situation we have to navigate carefully in order to remain safe.

I once had a man approach me at the gym and say:

“I’ve seen you for a very long time, shaking your ass whenever you walk by.”

And I remember thinking: I had never seen this man before in my life.

And just because I have an ass does not mean I am shaking it for anyone’s attention or entertainment.

I was simply walking.

Simply living.

Simply existing in my body.

But in his mind, the natural movement of my body had somehow become a performance intended for him.

That is what sexualisation can do.

It can turn a woman’s ordinary existence into an invitation she never extended.

Sometimes, a woman is not trying to attract you.

She is not performing for you.

She is not asking to be approached, followed or commented on.

She is simply existing.

Something happened last week that made me reflect on this subject even more deeply.

I was sitting near a playground, talking to a male friend, when two women arrived with their children.

At one point, one of the little girls needed to pee. Her underwear was removed, and she was allowed to continue walking around the playground with her private area uncovered, in the presence of people she did not know.

When I saw her, my heart broke for her.

Because children depend on adults to protect their privacy until they are old enough to understand why certain boundaries matter.

A child’s body is innocent. But we also live in a world in which not every adult looks at children with innocent eyes.

That is a painful reality to acknowledge.

I want to encourage parents and caregivers to remain aware of this and to be proactive in protecting their children’s privacy.

Please do not normalise children being exposed in public spaces or around people they do not know.

Not because there is anything shameful about a child’s body, but because children depend on us to protect their privacy and safety while they are still learning why these boundaries matter.

They rely on us to teach them that their body belongs to them, that their private areas deserve protection and that they are allowed to have boundaries.

The responsibility should never be placed upon the child.

It belongs to the adults around them to protect their innocence, privacy and safety.

And I would love for more men to understand what it can sometimes feel like for women to simply live and exist around them.

Not because men should be afraid to approach women, but because greater awareness can help create interactions in which women also feel safe and respected.

Attraction does not create entitlement.

Showing interest does not guarantee access.

A woman’s friendliness is not consent.

Her clothing is not consent.

The shape or natural movement of her body is not consent.

And when she says “No”, moves away or asks to be left alone, her boundary deserves to be respected without negotiation.

A woman should not have to hide her body, alter the way she walks or make herself smaller in order to feel safe.

The younger version of me was not trying to be desirable.

She was playing.

She was growing.

She was simply being a child.

And the woman I am today is still allowed to simply exist in her body without her existence being interpreted as an invitation.

We all deserve to move through the world with dignity, freedom and safety.

We all have the right to exist safely.